


tears of a clown

by rag__tag



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sans Needs A Hug, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rag__tag/pseuds/rag__tag
Summary: (POST-PACIFIST)Sans can't handle the stress of being in the mindset that everything the monsters had was going to all end thanks to Frisk possibly resetting, so he tries to end it all for himself.But Grillby stops him, and tells him how important he is to everyone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide  
> If you don't like suicide, please don't read.
> 
> Inspired by this song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4CXD5cdhcc
> 
> Iron Maiden is my jam yo \m/
> 
> anyways, enjoy!  
> This isn't a vent btw

Day after day, reset after reset, Sans had to go through it all. And it had nasty results on him, mentally. He used to be better, actually doing a small something at his job and going along with the things his brother made him do, until the human came along, and reset hundreds of times. In response, Sans became more and more apathetic, then it resulted in clinical depression, and it sucked balls. Not only did it suck balls, but it sucked balls really, really hard. He would spend a lot of his days just lying around at his sentry station, sleeping, and going to Grillby’s.  
Then, out of all of the things Sans could have done, he fell in love with that god damn bartender. It was just out of pure luck that when he asked Grillby out, he got a yes.

 

Then, the kid came along and did a true pacifist run. And they didn’t reset.

 

Most monsters would have expected Sans to be happy, just like the rest of them, but as a surprise, he seemed… even more depressed? No one knew why, and Sans didn’t want to think about it, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about the stress that he was going through of thinking about the kid was going to reset when he didn’t expect it.  
Sans laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, his white pupils disappeared. Gosh, he just wanted it to end already. He shut his eyes, knowing that Frisk was about to reset this very second—

 

Surprise!

 

He was still there. Nothing had happened. He groaned, rolling onto his side, curling into a ball on his bed. Sans sighed sadly, feeling tears stinging his eye sockets. Seconds later, he was sobbing into his pillow, hugging it. It was all too much—He wasn’t responding to anyone’s texts, he wasn’t even going outside of his house at all. He felt disgusting, all that he really did was sleep, occasionally eat, consume alcohol almost all of the time and wallow in misery. He couldn’t stand that he was letting his brother down; he wasn’t even seeing Toriel and the kid every now and again or going out with Grillby. At this point, he thought it would be best to just end it all. Pff, no one will be THAT distraught over him being gone, they’ll probably be happy to have such a heavy burden lifted off his should—No, Papyrus will be distraught. Not even crying was helping him feel better. All Sans wanted was the sweet release of death, to put an end to all of this suffering and misery he was going to.

 

Sans sat up, wiping the tears off his face. He closed his eyes, holding his head in his hands. He considered his options; should he stay and tell someone about it? Or perhaps go running to Papyrus or Grillby for comfort? He decided that it was probably best to just end it all. Not have to worry about anyone. He looked on his bedside table, looking for something… Ah, there it was. Sans picked up the knife, and looked at it. He put it down next to him, and placed his left hand on the sleeve on his right arm. He pulled the fabric up, exposing bare bone.   
“this’ll all be worth it.” He quietly mumbled, a shaky hand picking up the knife. It was only small, but he knew that he’d be able to dust himself in little time. Sans could feel tears running down his cheeks, the blade of the knife inched closer and closer to the bone. He wanted to just do it already, but he told himself that if his loved ones had to suffer with him cutting himself off from them, he should suffer as well. Win for win situation, right?

 

Sans closed his eyes as he felt the blade cut past the surface of the bone, and he dug it a little deeper. The way the knife cut in just seemed so satisfying; he could feel his HP shift to a decimal point as he made more and more cuts.  
He then decided he should just stab himself directly in the soul. He looked at the knife, then at his bleeding arm, and back at the knife. He quietly spoke to himself.   
“do it, you fucking idiot. just fucking dust yourself. it’ll be worth it.” Sans gulped, and slowly brought the knife to his soul, pulling it away and bringing it closer each time, but not actually stabbing himself yet. He clenched his eyes shut, pulled it away, and with all of his might, pushed his upper body forward and his knife into his chest—

 

Everything turned black.

 

But it wasn’t for long.

 

Sans opened his eye sockets, looking up and around, weak. He was still in his room, but…  
He was being held by someone warm, and very bright. It was none other than his boyfriend, Grillby.   
“g-grillbz? what happened?”   
“You had us worried sick! I wanted to come over to see if you’re okay, and I saw you…” Grillby’s voice broke as he finished his sentence.”  
“… stab yourself..”   
“why did you heal me, though?” Sans was now choking on tears.   
“Because I need you, Sans. I love you.” Grillby was trying so hard to not actually cry, and he held Sans tight.   
“Sans, I know that everything is down in the dumps, but it WILL end soon. Trust me, things will get a lot better.”  
“and how do you know?”   
“It just will.” Sans just sat there, frozen for a few moments, then broke down into tears. He held Grillby tight, sobbing into his shoulder. Gosh, he hadn’t sobbed this hard in a long time.   
“i’m so fucking sorry for scaring you like that…” Sans tried to say through tears.   
“It’s alright. I know it’s hard, but we’ll get through this together. Papyrus, myself, Toriel, Frisk, everyone. We’ll all be behind your back to help you through this. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to any of us, even all of us.” Although it hurt Grillby a lot to hear and see Sans so distraught, he knew that this would hopefully be some progress for Sans on his road of recovery.   
“th-thank you so much…”   
“You’re absolutely welcome. I love you, Sans.”   
“i love you too, grillbz.” Sans pulled away a little to look up at Grillby, the pupils in his eyes starting to return. Grillby held his cheek, looking into his eyes.   
“It’s going to be alright, Sans. Trust me on this one.” Sans rested his hands on his partner’s hips, and smiled genuinely for the first time in a good three or four weeks.   
“you’re always right, grillbz. i trust you all the way down to the bone.” He slowly winked as he said the pun. Sans may have felt like he wasn’t in the best state, but this was definitely progress.


End file.
